Mud(d)

[Mud(d)]

Rough draft Misspellings are to represent character voice.Try to imagine this in Mud(d)s voice

Hi, i'm Mud(d), I am da orc. I came to Broken Widdow about four monts ago and I reallah like it, and I relized nobody knows mah storah. So I deschided to tell everybodah about the twishteng perplexaties that is Mud(d). Firsht off for thoshe of you taht are confushed the (d) part of my name is because peopels shaid dat mah name was schpelled Mudd but I dought it wahs Mud so I sahy compromize. Deshpite ur immediate inclanations I am very schmart, schmart even for an Orc.

I wahs a very obedient orc as a child, I wahs a great hunter and a schtand out fighter. Fer dose of you taht don't know I belong'd to the Krazy tribe in de owd languidge Krazy is closhestly translated into "reshpect for life" . I loved everytang in da tribe,like da trone room brawls or da nomadic killins, but I ohlways had da urge to esplore and get out of da tribe, but I did love my familah and frends so I shtayed fer anoder 5 yers more den I wanted to. I had intended to leve a yer from now but mah mommah wahs stolen by a band of bandits from anoder tribe and noone wanted to do anyting about it sho I deshcided to ushe mah huntin skillz to find the oder tribe.

I tracked for daysh and it fewt like weeks, I finalah found da oder tribes' temperery shetelment I schpied on dem for awhile, I notisched dey aowl wered schome red and yedow. Den found things to make a crude rendishun of der clothes and I schnuck into der soshiaty (society) den I found mah mommy in da torture hut, she wahs beatan and aowl of da schtuff she knew abot da tribe had aowlready been said. She shaid dat dey were going to kiwl er tonight. I untied her from da strechey tool she wahs boundeded to, and after a shurt reuniting we began to schneak out of da camp but on our way out der were orcs on der way in. Der wahs immediate alurm throught da whole tribe, der wer orcs everywer den it wahs me wit da shord I found and I wahs tryin to pertect my mommy against aowl the fighters and hunters in der tribe.

It was a good fight but I inevitably losht, they kiwled me and somehow I sheemed to wake up out of my body and saw my mommy on da ground near ded. At da time I was obliviush to shades and I dought dat thish wahs da way dat you die. All of da shudden I fewt compewd to go in a shertain direcshun I tought why fight it? Sho I ran as fast as I couwd and eventually came across a mysterious lookin cave and I deschided to jump straight in being ash I figured it wahs da end anyway.Den aowl da shade schtuffs happend and I wahs back, and I wahs back with a vengenche. So I ran'd back to da village where I wahs and bolted into da hut I shaw my mommy dien in and I picked her up and shtarted to run but da oder Orcs were on to me and I ranned until I couldn't run anaymore, I had to fight the 6 orcs dat followed me dis far.It wahs a close match, but I kiwed one of dem immediately in da face and da oders became timid being ash I was mutch younger dan dem sho dey fought me on at a time. If it hadn't been for dat I would have losht but I kiwed 2 more dat jusht tried to brute strength me ded and I dodged and schtabbed. Den I bent down to my mommay and fewt her and dis power releshed from me dat i'd never fewt before and she wahs heawed, I now know dis power as a shade point, and it schcared da oder Orcs away from me. Den it was my moment of mosht hapinesh ever because I got mah mommy back.

Den we back tracked my owd tracksh and den tracked da Krazy tribe. Afder we got back into da village, I wahs treated ash a hero, dey had found a shurplus of waht ever animalsh we'd run into, so der wahs a vasht choicshe of meatyness. Sho afder da feasht dey aowl wanted to me to tell da schtory. Sho I towd da schtory and dey didn't react very good to da whole coming back to life ding, dey dought I was joking at fersht and I towd dem I washn't. Den dey shaid dat it wahsn't very good and dat I shouldn't be allowd to schtay der and dat I can schtay if I want but it's not good and dat if dese certain peoples would find me den dey would take me away and get mah mommahy and daddahy in troubou. Sho I towd dem dat I should just leave and dey tried to schtop me but I didn't let dem. I towd dem I loved dem aowl and shaid goodbye to dem. Actually right befor I left mah Daddahy gave me a shord, notin speshul just a partin gift, den he gave me a hug and towd me to be good.

3 and a half yers and 3 deths later I wahs in some mountins and I found a yeti, it wahs a short fight and I wahs dying. Den I was saved by an Ogar named Winty. We became good friends da firsht friend dat I aktually had schince I lefted my tribe. We did shome esplorin togeter and dat wahs a lot easier den esplorin alone, she towd me she aways had wanted to adventure, and I wanted to ash well. Den after a whiel of esplorin, lookin for adventure, we ran into a crazy demon,... named Ruin, I didn't trust him but he promised adventure to Winty and she chosed to go wit him and I followed becaushe I wanted to keep mah friend. Den Ruin brought us to an outpost cawled Broken Widdow.


Well dats mah story, I hope you liked it, I dink it's tastey.

Remember this is a rough draft, please leave me some feedback on what I can do to make it better or more understandable

[flemingb]

I really liked your background. I enjoyed how you used your "speech" in your writing. Very Mark Twain. I also think it's funny that you set it up so you can blame Winty if anything goes bad with Ruin.

You said you wanted feedback-
From an English teacher's perspective, USE PARAGRAPHS. That is how you tell your reader you are switching main ideas/topics. If you want to spice it up a bit more, go into more detail about how you killed the orcs, describe how they were dressed, did your mom say anything (other than they were going to kill her)? Use imagery (descriptions using your five senses). Just my two cents.

[Mud(d)]

Better?

[flemingb]

Yes.

[Cadrat]

Haha I love this story and I love mudd! I think I have an orc crush....

Word.

Fry-

[Jennifer]

This is excellent too. See, Mud(d) is smart! Don't judge an orc by his accent. And, it appears, he's good also!

Alyssa's been saying for months that she likes Mud(d), and more than she should. This shows just how much character you're putting into him. :)